If you've told people you're thinking about, or are actually going through IVF, you're bound to get your fair share of annoying or ill-informed responses. Here are some of my favorites and (more often) least favorites, to which I may add to as things progress:
"Be careful, that's how people end up with multiples!"
It's awfully hard to get unintended multiples through IVF. After egg retrieval, and carefully observed fertilization, you only have a finite number of embryos the doctor can put back into you, and you get to choose how much that is. Even if you do select multiples, it's not guaranteed that all will stick!
I think what you're looking for is fertility drugs that cause multiple eggs to release, or unethical fertility doctors.
"I know someone who was having trouble conceiving and considered IVF, but as soon as they stopped trying they got pregnant!"
Well woo-freaking-hoo for them! Sorry if I'm coming off a little bitter here, but why does everyone think this is supposed to help? My husband, whom I love and adore, is incapable of producing sperm possibly affected by his non-functioning pancreas, thank you, so your "just relax" approach is not in the least bit comforting.
Why do people always assume it's the woman's failed reproductive system?
I posted something on Facebook about one of the parts of infertility that's really a drag, and I kept getting sympathetic comments directed at my supposed personal inability to carry a child with no thought to the fact that it might possibly be an issue with my husband. He's not too thrilled about our friends and family knowing that he doesn't have swimmers (understandably so), so I respect that and keep my trap shut around them. I found it hard, though, hearing him talk to his mom on the phone and just letting her assume that it's a me problem without correcting her.
I guess I just have a thing about telling the truth, and this blog is my haven to vent all the dirty laundry.
"You're still newlyweds! You're still young! You have plenty of time!"
I actually got this from my OB/GYN's phlebotomist at the very onset of initial testing before resorting to IVF. I know she was only trying to make friendly conversation, but that just deflated me. My husband is six years older than I am (not that shocking) and is a widower (meaning he tried with his first wife too with no success for a number of years). He has also been a type 1 diabetic his whole life, which can do a number on your other internal organs. He is very well aware that he may not live to the average adult life span. Because of this, he wants children as soon as possible so he can be present for them. I've always wanted kids anyway, so I was more than happy not to wait. Also, my husband is already an awesome uncle, so I can't wait to see him be an awesome dad.
So don't you dare tell me to take my time. If we had, who knows how long it would have taken to find out the true source of our infertility! We are on our own timeline and nobody else's. You telling me to wait does not comfort, but is condescending and completely makes me feel like you don't think my feelings on the subject matter.
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Comment below if you have any to add to the list!
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